


The Captain and the Vulcan

by andprosper



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-03
Updated: 2011-12-03
Packaged: 2017-10-26 19:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/287076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andprosper/pseuds/andprosper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever watch the Princess and the Frog and think: Tiana = Spock and Naveen = Kirk? Well, I did. And this is the result.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Captain and the Vulcan

The evening star is shining bright

So make a wish

And hold on tight

There’s magic in the air tonight

And anything can happen

 

“There is no circumstance that would lead me to kiss a frog.”

“Is that so, Spock?” T’Pring tilted her head towards him. “Well, I would kiss one. If it were necessary, I would kiss ninety frogs.”

“What would lead anyone to kiss a frog?”

“Well,” the small girl pursed her lips in thought, “perhaps it would save someone’s life. It would be logical to submit oneself to something so minor as a kiss to save a life.”

“I still do not know if I would do it.”

“Is that your human side showing through, Spock? Is it too ‘gross?’”

At that moment, Amanda came into the room, her floor-length dress sweeping across the floor. “What have you two been up to?” She smiled and T’Pring held up the book.

“We were studying human storybooks and having a debate,” T’Pring held out the book to her. “Thank you for letting us borrow it.”

“I see,” Amanda took the book from her. “Well, I hope you liked it. Spock and I have to go,” she smiled at her son and took his hand, although Spock tried to dislodge his hand from her grip.

They walked home in silence, though Spock stopped trying to remove his hand as they stepped out into the dark night. When they arrived home, Sarek was there, but he did not greet them. Spock helped his mother prepare some sort of Earth food called “gumbo.”

“Are you sure it’s done, Spock?”

“Affirmative.”

“Well, let me have a taste,” Amanda dipped her head down to take a sip from a spoon. “Spock,” she paused, letting the smile drop from her face. Spock noted the expression and tilted his head.

“Is it dissatisfactory, Mother?”

“Well, Spock…” She said slowly, “this is….the best gumbo I’ve ever tasted!”

Spock raised an eyebrow slowly, not understanding why his mother seemed to react negatively to the food prior, but he couldn’t help but feel a warmth fill up his stomach at his mother’s compliment.

“Sarek, your son has quite the gift.”

“Mmhmm,” he responded, without looking up from his PADD.

“The thing about good food, Spock, is it brings people together from all walks of life.”

After eating his dinner, Amanda tucked him into bed. He paused and looked out his window as his mother kissed him on the cheek. “Your fairytale book says if one makes a wish on the evening star, it will come true.”

“You wish on that star, sweetheart. You wish and you dream with all of your heart. But you remember, Spock,” Amanda put her arm around his shoulders, “that old star can only take you part of the way. You’ve got to help it along with some hard work of your own and then you can do anything you set your mind to,” his mother looked him in the eyes. “But you promise me one thing, Spock. That you’ll never, ever lose sight of what’s really important. Okay?”

“All right, mother,” Spock said. His mother tucked him in and gave him another kiss on the cheek before leaving. Once she disappeared and turned off his light, Spock sat back up and looked back at the star in the night sky.

 

Twenty years later, Spock returned to his quarters at the Academy. He wasn’t as immaculate as he would have hoped – his hair was slightly ruffled and his clothes were wrinkled. He walked tiredly over to his dresser after kicking off his regulation boots. He looked at the picture of his mother on his dresser sadly before stomping over to his bed and falling onto his bed. It seemed like only minutes before his alarm went off again. “Another class,” he mumbled into his bedsheets and attempted to make himself as presentable as possible.

He hurried to catch the train back to the Academy, reading his PADD, thankfully he hadn’t noticed the girl who was giggling over him. She reached out to tap him on the shoulder just as he stepped off the train. His walk towards the main building, however, was stalled by a marching band coming into his path. Spock tucked his PADD into his bag and one of the musicians caught his arm just as he did so. The musician jerked his arm back and forth, trying to get him to dance, and Spock pulled his arm back to himself. He stormed off and straightened his shirt on his way to the building.

He lectured, dealt with angry students, dealt with dense students, graded a mountain of papers that seemed impossible to get through, wrote his thesis, worked on the Kobayashi Maru program….the work never ended, though he dealt with it all efficiently and expediently.

**

Captain Kirk was greeted with fanfare and excitement. He departed from his shuttlecraft to be greeted by a flock of giggling girls who couldn’t seem to get close enough to him. Kirk grinned at them when he noticed a marching band. He hurried over and started dancing with them, much to the women’s delights. He didn’t even notice Bones trying to follow behind him, actually tripping on the last step of the shuttlecraft stairs.

Spock was walking across campus to get to his next class when the marching band walked by him again. This time, a blond man following them stopped, grinned, and bowed towards Spock, who pursed his lips and walked faster in the other direction. The blond shrugged and moved on.

“Professor Spock, I was wondering about the exam we’re having on Thursday. Is it going to be-”

“The instructions are on Blackboard, Mr. Mitchell. Please try not to disturb me while I’m eating,” Spock only a got a few moments to himself at lunch, but no one seemed to respect it.

“Hey, Spock!” One of his younger colleagues waved his hand at him and joined his table. “Me and some of the others were going out dancing tonight. Care to join us?”

“Matthews, you know I am not an apt dancer. Nor do I care to dance. Besides, I have to work on my thesis tonight.”

“You’re always working on that thesis! You need to learn to have some fun.”

“Maybe next time,” Spock said and returned to his food when Matthews left, who said to his friends, “I told you guys he wouldn’t come.”

“Good day, Admiral Pike,” Spock said when the admiral entered the room.

“Ah, it’s good to see you, Spock,” Pike pulled his chair up to Spock’s empty table.

“I would like to congratulate you on your commendation.”

“Why, thank you, Mr. Spock.”

“SPOCK!” A redheaded girl said excitedly as she entered the cafeteria. “Did you hear the news?” She said, wrapping her arms around Spock’s shoulders and practically bouncing with excitement before seating herself beside Admiral Pike. “Oh, tell him. Tell him, Admiral Pike!”

“Oh,” Pike seemed to be caught off guard, “Captain Kirk-“

“Captain Kirk,” she grabbed the paper sitting on someone else’s table to show Spock the front page, “of the Enterprise is coming to the Academy!” Gaila actually squealed in excitement. “Oh, isn’t he so hot?! Oh, tell him what you did, Admiral Pike! Tell him!”

“Oh, well, I invited Captain-“

“Admiral Pike invited the captain to the Masquerade Ball tonight!”

“Tell him what else you did, Admiral Pike!”

Admiral Pike paused, watching Gaila warily, expecting an interruption.

“Go on,” Gaila said, smiling blissfully.

“And he’s staying-“ Admiral Pike began before being interrupted.

“And he’s staying-“ Gaila was also interrupted by the newspaper in her face.

“And he’s staying at Gaila’s house as her personal guest,” Admiral Pike finally got out before letting out a long sigh.

Gaila beamed and nodded.

“That’s very nice, Gaila,” Spock said lightly, “a little word of advice, though, my mother always said Earth men like the hard to get women.”

Gaila’s eyes widened and she grabbed Spock’s hand. “That’s it! Spock, you’re a bonafide genius! I’m going to need you to come with me to the ball tonight to hold me back! OH!” She squealed and stood up, rushing towards the door. “Tonight, my captain is finally coming, and I sure as heck ain’t letting him go!” She announced to half of the cafeteria.

Spock stared at the place Gaila had previously occupied, still not sure what had happened. He never really understood exactly HOW he and Gaila had become close friends. She was a graduate student who was exceptionally good at computers. He had actually caught her after she hacked into the Kobayashi Maru. He was, admittedly, impressed by her talents. She also seemed quite attached to him because, simply, as she had said, he was the only man who didn’t look at her as a “sex object.” Eventually, Spock had come to put up with her bubbly personality and she was probably the only person he could call “friend.”

That evening, Spock typed away on his computer, nearing the end of his thesis, which he had been working on for over five years. “Almost there,” he said softly to himself, editing the thesis for the seventeenth time. It was almost perfected. There had been trials and tribulations, but after feeling like he had climbed a mountain and crossed a river, he was pleased to say he was nearly done. He would have to be at the Masquerade Ball for Gaila, but for now, he was nearing the end of the paper.

**

“Jim! I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”  
“Oh, Bones, what a coincidence, I have been avoiding you everywhere!” Kirk joked with his friend and then wrapped his arm around McCoy’s shoulders. “Oh, dance with me, doctor!”

McCoy dodged his friend’s attempt to get him to dance. “We’re going to be late for that little ball thing you wanted to go to.”

“All right, all right, but I’m going to buy everyone here a drink!” He announced to the crowd of people around him.

“You don’t have any money, you idiot!” McCoy snapped at him and pulled Jim away from the crowd.

“Gentlemen!” A tall, slim man approached the two. “How are you doing?” He asked. The man was obviously alien, but unlike any Kirk had ever seen. He handed them a business card and Jim looked at it curiously.

“Tarot readings? Charms? Dreams made real? People still do that?”

“Oh, of course. I’m a specialist, you see. Come along. Come along, I’ll show you,” the man led Kirk away.

“Jim! Where are you going?” McCoy hissed into his ear, but Kirk waved him off.

“I believe,” the man took Kirk’s hand and looked at it intently, “that I’m in the company of a starship captain.”

“Bones, Bones! You won’t believe it! This man has just read my palm!”

“Or this morning’s newspaper,” McCoy muttered pessimistically.

“Don’t you disrespect me! Don’t you derogate or deride! You’re in my world now, not your world,” he pointed up to a sign that read: Dr. Facilier’s Voodoo Emporium, “And I’ve got friends on the other side.”

Jim hesitated when he heard voices repeat “he’s get friends on the other side.” Seeing his hesitation the mysterious man – Dr. Facilier? – pushed them from behind. “That’s just an echo, gentlemen. A little parlor trick, don’t worry.” They walked into the dark building, and saw a small round table surrounded by curtains. The walls were decorated with shelves with various unidentifiable things floating in jars and masks that seemed to watch the pair as they looked around. Some torches seemed to light of their own accord and the slim alien seated himself, “Sit down at my table, put your minds at ease. If you relax it will enable me to do anything I please. I can read your future. I can change it 'round some, too. I'll look deep into your heart and soul. You do have a soul, don't you, McCoy?” He smirked at the man and Jim chuckled just slightly, “Make your wildest dreams come true! I got voodoo. I got hoodoo. I got things I ain't even tried! And I got friends on the other side.” He drew a deck of tarot cards from beneath the table and began shuffling them with practiced ease. “The cards, the cards,” he said each time he shuffled, “the cards will tell the past, the present, and the future as well. The cards, the cards,” he said again as he was shuffling, “just take three. Take a little trip into your future with me!” He held up the stack of cards and Jim and McCoy both selected three cards each, though Bones with much more hesitance than Kirk. Now you, young man, are from across the country. You come from two captains in the military. Your lifestyle's high, but your funds are low. You need to marry a little honey whose daddy got dough,” he looked down at the cards with some thought. “Not much money in being a starship captain, huh?”

“Eh,” Kirk shrugged, “Sad but true.”

“Now your only option is to get hitched, but hitching ties you down. You just wanna be free, Hop from place to place. But freedom... takes green! It's the green, it's the green, it's the green you need  
And when I looked into your future it's the green that I see!” The strange man flipped Kirk’s last card, which showed a picture of him on board the Enterprise, sitting in his captain’s chair, but with piles of money around him.

“On you little man, I don't want to waste much time. You been pushed around all your life. You been pushed around by your mother and your sister and your brother. And when you were married… you were pushed around by your wife. But in your future, the you I see is exactly the man you always wanted to be!” The last card turned for McCoy showed a picture of himself with his wife and daughter, all smiling happily. McCoy stared down at the card, shocked.

“Shake my hand. Come on, boys. Won't you shake the poor sinner's hand?” Dr. Facilier held out both his hands for the two men. When they both shook his hands with enthusiasm, the atmosphere suddenly changed. The torches went out and the alien stood from his chair. “Yes… Are you ready?” He said loudly, a chorusing echo could be heard. “Are you ready? Transformation central!” Jim grew pale, this was definitely not good. “Reformation central!” The masks of the room lit up – they seemed to be speaking along with Dr. Facilier. “Transmorgrification cental!” Jim was suddenly tapped – something unseen was holding him to his chair by his arms and legs. He struggled when the alien came towards him with a knife. “Can you feel it?” He slashed Jim’s hand. “You’re changing, you’re changing, you’re changing all right. I hope you’re satisfied!” Bones stared at him in horror as Kirk felt his skin begin to bubble and move. “But if you ain’t, don’t blame me. You can blame my friends on the other side!”

The chorus in the dark echoed, “You got what you wanted, but you lost what you had!”

**

Gaila was hurrying about nervously, as Captain Kirk hadn’t shown up, although most of the other guests had and were happily dancing on the dance floor.

“Gaila, you said ‘later’ two hours ago,” a young, pimply man was trying to get her attention.

“Travis, when a woman says ‘later,’ she really means ‘not ever,’” she said harshly. “Now, run along. There are dozens of young women dying for you to waltz them into a stupor,” she waited until he disappeared before running over to Spock, who had taken comfort in standing next to the food table. “Gimme those napkins, quick!” She dabbed her under arms quickly.

“What are you doing?” Spock looked confused.

“He’s never going to show up!”

“There are still some people coming in, Gaila,” Spock attempted to reassure her.

“I can’t believe this! I never get anything I want!” She said, frustrated. Spock feared she would cry – he saw the tears in her eyes.

“Gaila, sometimes we just do not receive what we-“ He was cut off by several squeals and the pair looked over to see the captain entering the lavishly decorated garden.

Gaila squealed and her attitude changed quickly. She adjusted her top and disappeared from Spock’s side. Spock raised an eyebrow, but did not say anything. At least now Gaila wouldn’t be upset. She rushed over to Kirk and the two were dancing together quickly. Spock tilted his head. So much for the “hard to get” theory. He shrugged, pleased that she was happy, at least. He returned to standing near the food table, when he received a call on his phone. He flipped it open to hear his roommate’s voice. “Spock! Spock! Someone broke into the apartment! Everything’s gone!”

“What?” Spock asked, disbelieving.

“My stuff is gone! All of your stuff is gone! Your computer! Your PADD! This whole place is empty! I’ve called the cops, but they don’t think we’ll get any of it back!”

Spock shut the cell phone and tucked it away, his arm fell to his side and he stepped backward, seeking support from something. His computer….his thesis….five years of work….just….gone….Unfortunately, what he sought for support was the food table, which was not balanced enough to hold a Vulcan trying to sit on the end of it. The whole table fell over, covering Spock in party juice, sodas, chicken, cheese, and everything else that had been on the table.

Gaila gasped and ran over to help him up as Spock brushed the cake off of his lap. “What happened?”

“I just…” Spock was unable to finish his sentence.

“I’ll be right back, Jim!” Gaila called to her dance partner and pulled Spock into the building. “Let’s get you cleaned up,” she pulled him into the girl’s bathroom, although he was too numb to resist. Luckily, it was empty.

“Oh, Spock. Did you see the way he danced with me?” Gaila said, a grin plastered on her face as she wetted some tissue and started wiping down Spock’s clothing as best she could. Spock halfheartedly, wiped one spot on his shirt. “Even covered in food, you’re still the best looking guy at the Academy,” Gaila said kindly, clearly trying to cheer Spock up. “Seems like only yesterday, we were starting at the Academy, dreaming our dreams. Your thesis is almost done…Jim is out there waiting for me…it seems like tonight, they’re finally coming true,” she paused, clearly not noticing Spock was not himself, or assuming it was because he was covered in food and soda. “Well, that’s the best I can do. I’m going to have to go back to Jim now. Wish me luck!” She said and bounced back out of the bathroom. Spock left as well, but walked out the opposite side of the building from the party.

“Almost,” he said sadly as he stepped outside. “Almost there. I could’ve been a science officer aboard any ship,” Spock sat down on a stone bench outside. “I was almost there,” his voice may have cracked slightly as he leaned his head down into his hands. He took a deep breath and looked back up at the sky. He saw Sirius gleaming brightly in the night sky and he thought back to that night with his mother. Wishing on stars…it was superstitious….there was absolutely no evidence that wishing on any object accomplished anything. “I cannot believe I’m doing this,” he said softly as he looked at the star and thought about his thesis. “Please, please, please…” He closed his eyes as he did this and when he reopened them, he saw a frog sitting on the bench beside him. Spock gasped in surprise and then looked back at the star. It was a strange coincidence.

“What do I do now?” He said to no one in particular – maybe the frog. “Do I need to kiss you?” He didn’t ask in all seriousness. He was mocking the storybook his mother had read to him.

When, suddenly, the frog opened its mouth and said very clearly, in English, “Kissing would be nice, yes?”

Spock jumped back in surprise and fell off the back of the garden bench. He stood again, now covered in dirt and grass as well as sticky soda and cake.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!” He hopped onto a taller sculpture. “Allow me to introduce myself. I am Captain Kirk. Of the Enterprise.”

“Captain? But I didn’t wish for-“ he started before he caught himself. He quickly changed the subject.

“Excuse me, but if you’re the captain. Then who is that dancing with Gaila?”

“All I know is one minute, I’m a captain, charming and handsome. And the next thing I know, I’m tripping over these,” the frog indicated his foot.

“Oh?”

“And now, you must kiss me.”

“Excuse me?” Spock’s eyebrow was in danger of disappearing into his hairline.

“You’ll enjoy it. I guarantee. All women enjoy the kiss of Captain Kirk,” his chest suddenly puffed out, and he looked confused for a moment, before smoothing it out and smiling at Spock. “That’s new.

“I would like to assist you, however, I do not kiss frogs.”

“But, earlier, you asked to kiss me?”

“I’m afraid I did not expect you to answer,” Spock responded smoothly.

“Oh, but you must kiss me. Despite being extraordinarily handsome, okay, I am a starship captain. Surely there is some sort of reward…some sort of….wish I could grant.”

Spock paused now, thinking. This all seemed highly implausible. On the one hand, there was a 3.4% chance Spock was hallucinating or dreaming. There was a 21.8% chance this was all an illusion created by an alien. However, there was a 74.8% chance an alien or some device had turned the captain into a frog and now the captain needed his assistance. Although the chance a kiss would succeed in freeing the captain was less than 1.2%, Spock assumed the captain would still reward him for the effort. Spock had wanted to be a science officer aboard a starship since he was young. And the Enterprise was not only the best ship in the quadrant, but it was about to leave on a five year mission to explore uncharted parts of the galaxy. Only an experienced officer, with a doctorate could hope to be chosen as the science officer. And with his thesis gone, and the very little experience Spock had under his belt, this might be the only chance of getting this opportunity.

“Yes?” the frog prodded when Spock hadn’t responded.

“Just one kiss?” He asked, hoping to map out the terms of the agreement.

“Just one. Unless you beg for more.”

Spock steeled himself and quickly pressed his lips against the frog’s mouth. Suddenly, his skin bubbled and he felt like he’d exploded. He was suddenly in a very dark place and he realized he was covered in some sort of cloth. He sought a way out and when he did, he saw the captain, still a frog. He heard the captain gasp and Spock looked at himself. He was also a frog.

“Fascinating,” he said softly. “Captain, I do not believe this is the result we had anticipated.”

The other frog hopped down to the ground with him. “Good thing you’re not panicking,” he noted. “Now you’re green and slimy just like me.”

“That is not slime. We are secreting mucus, captain.”

“Oh. Well. That’s just lovely,” the captain grimaced – as well as a frog could at least. “Do something for me, would you? Keep that stuff to yourself!”

“What should we do now?”

“Well,” the captain was staring at something over Spock’s shoulder, “we should probably run.”  
Spock turned to look, and saw a cat. It suddenly pounced at them just as they jumped away. In their haste, they got tangled in the balloons that marked the location of the party. The cat was ready to lunge at them again when the captain pulled the string on the balloons to loose them from the pole. The balloons took off in the air and the cat cursed.

“That cat just spoke.”

“You know, if you’re going to let every little thing get to you, it’s going to be a very long night,” the captain retorted.

Their balloons eventually began to descend, and Spock was not familiar with the landscape.

“It looks like we’re going to land.”

“Captain,” Spock hesitated, seeing them near the trees. Just as Spock was about to say something, it began to rain. The captain began to explain the story of how he had ended up in his predicament. After he finished, and before Spock could inquire further, the captain asked his name.

“Spock.”

“Spock? Just Spock?”

“You could not pronounce the rest of it.”

“Oh, come on! Tell me.”

“S’chn T’gai Spock.”

The captain paused for a moment, “yeah, you’re right. I can’t pronounce it. You know,” the captain started on a new course of conversation, “I never thought I’d see a Vulcan again.”

“What do you mean, captain?”

“Well, I mean, what Nero did…we couldn’t even save anyone. We barely had time and we didn’t even know where to go…”

“You where there when Vulcan was destroyed?”

“Yeah. I wish I hadn’t been, though. I mean…”

“My mother and father were on Vulcan.”

“I’m sorry, Spock.”

“You said you had time…”

“Barely,” Captain Kirk said anxiously. “Look, we wouldn’t have known where to beam, who to beam up…”

“Anywhere. Anyone. It wouldn’t have mattered.”

“We couldn’t-“

“You just let them die.”

“We had to get the crew back safely.”

“The crew? A few moments of your time and you could have saved-“

“The crew is the most important thing!” The captain snapped back angrily.

“And an entire planet isn’t?” Spock had not raised his voice, but the captain was clearly getting mad.

“You know what?! If that’s how you’re going to look at it, I don’t even want to do you any favors! You’re a frog, just like me now! I’m not going to owe you anything! I don’t owe you anything!” Spock was certain the captain was not really talking about the fact they were frogs. The captain seemed to feel guilt over the destruction of Vulcan, seeing as how sensitively he reacted to the subject, as well. Suddenly one of the balloons popped, and Spock noticed they were within the trees. The branches of a particularly tall tree popped all the balloons and the pair of frogs fell into a swampy lake.

Immediately, an owl swooped down from the trees and the pair ran and hopped away as fast as they could. Spock saw tree stump with a hole and jumped inside. However, the captain had not seen it. He took a moment before peeking outside.

“Help me up,” Spock heard a voice below. Captain Kirk was pressed against the tree stump, apparently he could not jump as high as Spock. He heard the owl hoot and Spock saw an opportunity.

“If I assist you, Captain, will you allow me to work aboard your vessel as science officer? I heard you are seeking one for your mission.”

“You want what, Spock? I don’t know! I don’t even know your credentials and this is not a good time for me to be making rash decisions…”

“Very well, I will leave you there,” Spock said, fully intending to leave the captain in peril until he agreed.

The owl screeched and he must have been flying again because Kirk became panicked.

“Okay! Okay! You can be my science officer! Help me up! Help me up!” Spock pulled the captain into the stump with him and he fell rather unceremoniously on top of Spock. Immediately, his mood changed.

“Well, it seems like we might be here for a little while, Spock. Perhaps we should get a little more…comfortable.”

This would be the first time the captain experienced a Vulcan neck pinch, although Spock doubted it would be the last.

The morning light shown through the log and Spock woke the captain. “Good lord, Spock, the sun’s barely up,” he grumbled, but slowly got up.

“We must find a way back to the Academy and perhaps we can undo whatever has been done,” Spock said simply and began hopping away. “You’re taking all of this quite gracefully.”

“No use getting too worked up, Spock. I’ll figure it out, like I always do. How about I sing us a song to go along?”

“Excuse me, Captain?”

“On the road again,” the captain began singing, “I just can’t wait to get on the road again.”

A dark shadow rose up from behind the captain and Spock jumped backwards just as a rattlesnake appeared behind the captain. Captain Kirk also noticed and stopped singing just as the snake started shaking its rattle.

“I know that song! Just can’t wait to get on the road again,” he began singing and shaking his rattle.   
While Spock was still quite shocked, the captain joined him in singing and the snake rattled the beat, “The life I love is making music with my friends. And I just can’t wait to get on the road again!”

“You are very talented! Who are you?” Captain Kirk exclaimed and the snake shook his tail anxiously.

“Louis. Where have you been all my life?”

“Where did you learn to play like that?”

“Well, when you’re born with it,” the snake shook his rattle again.

“That’s amazing!”

“Why, thank you!”

“Well, thank you, sir. And we appreciate your decision not to consume us, but we must return to San Francisco so that we may return to our current state.”

The snake’s rattle fell to the ground and he tilted his head. “What?”

“Ignore him. He’s cranky.”

“What was he talking about?” The snake asked.

“Oh, we’re humans. Well….he’s a Vulcan.”

“Humans?” The snake’s head reared back in shock. “Are you serious?”

“I am Captain Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise….and he is Spock. The teacher. Do not kiss him,” the captain muttered the last part in the snake’s ear. The snake looked unimpressed.

“The captain here was transformed into a frog and by some unfortunate events, I was also transformed into a frog.”

“It was a voodoo man.”

“Voodoo?!” The snake exclaimed, looking frightened all of a sudden. “Like the kind Mama Odie does?”

“Mama…what?”

“Mama Odie. She’s the voodoo queen of the forest. She’s got magic, and spells….all kinds of hoodoo.”

“Can you take us to her?” The captain asked.

“Captain,” Spock urged quietly, “I think it would be in our best interest to return to the Academy and get this fixed by proper scientists.”

“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“I’ll take you to her,” the snake agreed eagerly and began slithering in the opposite direction. “Follow me!”

The snake rattled his tail as he slithered along and he looked at the pair of frogs. “What will you two do when you’re human again?”

“When I’m myself again, I want just the life I had. A great big party every night. That doesn’t sound too bad,” Kirk nudged Spock, who simply moved further away from him. “A redhead on my left arm. A brunette on my right. A blonde or two to hold the candles and that seems just about right, eh, Louis? Life is short, when you’re done you’re done. We’re on this earth to have some fun. And that’s the way things are.”

“Tell it, brother!” Louis exclaimed.

“When I’m human, and I’m gonna be. I’ll tear it up like I did before and that’s my solemn guarantee!”

Spock shook his head ever so slightly. “Your modesty becomes you and your sense of responsibility. I worked hard for everything that I’ve got and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. When I’m back to being Vulcan, at least I’ll act like one. If you do your best each and every day, good things are sure to come your way. What you give is what you get. My mother said that and I’ll never forget, and I commend it to you.”

The captain seemed to find a kindred spirit in Louis the snake and the two talked amiably for hours, while Spock hopped along behind.

“I’m hungry,” the captain complained when the sun began to go down.

“Where do you expect us to procure food, captain?”

The captain seemed to contemplate this when he noticed a group of mosquitoes. He started hopping towards them.

“Captain, what are you doing?”

“Shh! You’re scaring the food, Spock!” Captain Kirk hopped after them and released his tongue, which only ended in him getting smacked in the face by it upon its return. “This is harder than it looks,” he chuckled.

A firefly flew by Spock and his tongue involuntary leapt from his mouth. He would rather not eat an insect and he attempted to restrain his own tongue. However, it wouldn’t seem to listen. As the firefly perched on a leaf, Spock’s tongue leapt for it, unfortunately at the same time Kirk’s did. They’re tongues got stuck together due to the adhesiveness of their mouths to capture insects.

Of course, it was at this time, Louis came looking for them. “You guys find anything to eat ye- oh my…” He said upon seeing them. “Hang on, ol’ Louis got it coming,” he tried to pull them apart and only managed to make it worse. “You know what this needs? A sharp stick!” He proclaimed before slithering off.

The firefly they had been after descended upon them just as Kirk muttered, “this is all your fault.”

“Oh, well lookie here,” the firefly said loudly. “Huh, I guess you and your boyfriend got a little carried away, am I right?” As Spock and Kirk protested, the firefly lit up and started untangling them. When they separated he introduced himself as “Ray.”

“Where ya’ll going?” He asked.

“We were on our way to see Mama Odie, since a voodoo man turned us into frogs.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Mama Odie? Ya’ll goin’ in the wrong directional.”

Just then, Louis burst through the bushes. “I found a stick!”

“Louis, Ray says you have been taking us in the wrong direction,” Spock said when the snake reappeared.

“Oh, well,” Louis said sheepishly, “I was confused by the topography and the…geography…and the choreography…

“Never take directions from a snake,” Ray warned Spock and clapped his hands, “Me and my relationals will take you there!” Suddenly the forest lit up with fireflies and the they formed a bright path through the forest.

They kept on after the fireflies left. Louis was “injured” and Ray had to pull a thorn from his tail. Kirk and Spock walked ahead to clear a path, however, they were not aware of the hunters nearby. “You know what, Spock? I’ve finally figured out what your problem is.”

“Have you?”

“You don’t know how to have fun. There. Somebody had to say it.”

“Captain, I too have figured out your problem.”

“I’m too wonderful?” The captain grinned.

“No, you are lazy and irresponsible.”

“I’m not lazy. I just know how to have a good time. Unlike you, you stick in the mud.”

“Captain, this ‘stick in the mud’ has worked for over ten years to accomplish something in Starfleet while you gained your captaincy by befriending a Starfleet captain and seducing half the professors at the Academy.”

“Actually, it’s more like three-fourths…” The captain mumbled and was suddenly netted by a hunter. Spock quickly analyzed the situation as he was grabbed and hopped from his hunter’s hands to jump on the other hunter’s face in order to get him to release the captain. The captain exclaimed happily as he hopped from the net, but noticed Spock was still captured. The captain hopped onto the first hunter’s feet and croaked, causing the second to trip the first, trying to catch the frog.

“These are some smart frogs!” The second hunter exclaimed as the pair tried to regain their footing.

“We also speak,” Spock said to them, and the hunters shouted and got to their feet before running away. Captain Kirk laughed and patted Spock on the back.

“You know, Spock, you’re secretly funny.”

Ray was still attempting to extract Louis’s thorn and they decided to call it a night. Spock attempted to make something from the forest plants for them to eat. “I couldn’t do much. There isn’t much here.”

“You know, Spock, this isn’t half bad,” Kirk commented as he ate.

Spock ignored the halfhearted compliment and ate his own food.

“I’m not that great of a cook,” Kirk was obviously trying to start a conversation.

“I learned from my mother.”

“My mother was barely around and my father died when I was a baby,” Kirk shrugged, not looking at Spock. “My uncle never taught me how to do anything. I had to figure everything about myself.”

“You seem to have managed.”

“Maybe,” Kirk replied with no real enthusiasm.

“You are a starship captain. The youngest starship captain in history. You’ve got the best outfitted ship in the fleet and you are about to go on a mission to explore uncharted space. You also seem to be quite popular. I fail to see what you have not managed to procure.”

Kirk looked at Spock now and then looked down at his hands. “There is one thing…I mean, I’ve never had a real family. And I thought, maybe now that I’m older, I can at least find…the one. You know? I’ve never had a steady girlfriend…it just doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me.”

Spock quirked an eyebrow in his characteristic manner. “It seems as if you and I have more in common than we initially assumed.”

“God, I hope not,” Kirk chuckled, seeming to come around to himself again. “And, you know, I’m really short on cash. Being a starship captain doesn’t pay too well,” he was trying to lighten the mood, but Spock saw through his attempt.

Ray gasped, “there she is! The sweetest firefly in all creation! Evangeline!”

“Evangeline?” Kirk asked.

“She the most beautiful firefly ever did glow,” he said happily, almost swooning in delight as he floated up to the sky.

“Where is she?” Kirk asked.

“How you can miss her? She’s glowin’ right there in front of ya’ll,” Ray pointed towards the sky, at Sirius, and Spock and Kirk looked at each other, realizing before Louis did. When Louis did realize though, he started to say something before Kirk stopped him.

“Look how she lights up the sky. Ma belle Evangeline. So far above me, yet I know her heart belongs to only me,” he sang softly and the forest sounded as if it began to sing with him. “J'et adore,”

“I adore you,” Kirk said and Spock was taken aback.

“ J'et aime.”

“I love you,” Kirk said again and then realized Spock was looking at him with a rather strange expression. “Just translating! I took some French back in high school…” He trailed off.

“ Evangeline, you're my queen of the night, so still, so bright. That someone as beautiful as she,” Ray sang and Kirk stood and pulled Spock close to him.

“Oh no, no,” Spock pulled away and Kirk’s face fell. “I do not dance, captain. I have never danced,” he admitted. Kirk smiled .

“Could love someone like me.”

Kirk pulled Spock close to him again, “I’m sure you’re amazing.”

“Love always finds a way it's true! And I love you, Evangeline.”

Captain Kirk led Spock in a slow waltz and Spock tried to keep up without stepping on the captain’s feet. After a few steps, he got the repetitive motion and trusted Kirk to lead. Although Spock didn’t dance with any grace, he was dancing for the first time.

“Love is beautiful! Love is wonderful! Love is everything, do you agree? Mais' oui! Look how she lights up the sky, I love you, Evangeline.”

Kirk slowly pulled Spock close to him at the close of the song and there was a moment where Spock thought Kirk might kiss him before Spock pulled away. “I’m quite finished dancing, captain. Thank you.”

The captain’s shoulders dropped and there was a sudden light at the edge of their vision. An elderly woman appeared and looked around at the strange group. “Which one of you has been messing with the shadowman?”

Kirk smiled sheepishly and they were led to her cabin in the wilderness.

“We’re so glad we found you, Mama Odie!” Kirk exclaimed as they followed her. “Do you think you could change us back to human…oids?”

“You guys want to be human, but you’re blind to what you need!”

“What we want, what we need, it’s the same thing,” Kirk shrugged.

“Wrong! You listen to me now,” the elderly woman smiled. “You need to dig a little deeper to find out who you are. When you find out who you are, you find out what you need,” Mama Odie held out a clam and opened it, “dig a little deeper,” she insisted and showed them the glimmering pearl within. For just a moment, Spock could have sworn the captain was looking at him in the reflection of the pearl and not the pearl itself.

“You want to be rich, Captain Kirk,” and the captain nodded to this statement, “that’s not going to make you happy! Money doesn’t have soul or heart. All you need is some self control! Dig a little deeper. Can’t tell you what you’ll find,” she stood beside him and the captain couldn’t help but look at Spock, who was standing next to Louis and Ray. “Maybe love will grant you peace of mind. Dig a little deeper and you’ll know,” a slow, sincere smile appeared on Kirk’s face.

“Mr. Spock, might I have a word?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“You’re a hard one, that’s what I heard. Your momma was a loving woman, family through and through. You are your mother’s son, what she had in her you’ve got in you,” Spock’s heart felt heavy at the mention of his mother, and he tried to ignore her words.

“If you guys want to be human, there’s only one way. You have to kiss a princess. And the only princess you can get to is,” she pointed to a console and an image of Gaila appeared.

“Gaila? But she’s not a princess,” Spock was confused, and the console showed a different image – Gaila being crowned at the Masquerade Ball as the Princess of Mardi Gras.

“Does that count?” Kirk asked hesitantly.

“Yes, it does, but only until Mardi Gras is over.”

“That doesn’t give us much time,” Spock commented.

“I can get you there,” Mama Odie said and pointed to a corner of the room where a transporter pad sat.

“No magic?” Kirk asked.

“I think you have had enough magic, captain,” Spock said simply and Kirk had to modesty to blush.   
“This will get you close, but it won’t take you all the way to the Academy,” Mama Odie said as she transported them, leaving Ray and Louis with quick goodbyes.

They appeared in someone’s home and hopped out quickly before being spotted. The Academy was visible, but being frogs, it was an extremely long trip. They began their journey to the Academy and had hopped for about an hour when Kirk stopped them.

“Hold on, Spock. I’ve got to talk to you,” Kirk requested, so Spock turned and looked at him. “I just wanted to say…you have had quite an influence on me. Which is saying something…because I have dated…thousands of women…”

Spock quirked his eyebrow.

“Well, no, like…two…three….just…other women! And, listen, you could not be more different, you are…let me begin again!” He said hurriedly at the look on Spock’s face and Spock couldn’t help but wonder what point the captain was trying to make.

“Ugh…This is a disaster,” the captain groaned.

“Captain, can you please move on to your point?”

“It’s just that….dammit, Spock…” Kirk sighed and scratched the back of his head. “Spock, I love-“ he paused, “the idea of having you as my science officer.”

“Why, thank you, captain.”

“Hello, captain,” a deep voice said behind them. The frogs looked up and saw a slender alien looming over them. “Getting a bit too close to the Academy for my comfort,” he picked them up, one in each hand. “And you got yourself a friend. How nice. Guess you don’t need your other friend anymore. He’s useless to me now, regardless,” the man dug his fingers into the pair of frogs, causing them to squirm in pain.

“What did you do to McCoy?!” Kirk snapped angrily.

“That’s none of your concern.”

They disappeared and reappeared in a building Spock didn’t recognize. Bound and gagged in the corner was…Captain Kirk? At least someone who looked like him…and he looked livid. He struggled when he saw the alien reappear and tried to get at them. He got the gag loose and it dropped around his neck.

“I’m sorry, Jim. He threatened Joanna. I couldn’t-“ the gag flew back over his mouth with a flick of the alien’s wrist. Spock noticed a strange necklace hanging around the fake Captain Kirk’s neck and took the momentary loosening of the alien’s hand to jump free. He grabbed the talisman and tried to smash it on the ground, but suddenly Spock was turned back into a Vulcan. He was wearing his old Vulcan clothing and the room around him began to transform, save for the fake Captain Kirk in the corner and the alien, still clutching the real captain. The walls suddenly looked several stories high and were practically pristine. It was bright and on a nearby table was the letter telling Spock he’d been accepted to Starfleet.

“Do you miss it, Spock? Vulcan? Like it was when you were happiest. If you can feel happy, that is,” the alien stood next to him, smirking. Spock took a step back. “Your poor mother, when she was still alive,” the alien pointed to a window and Spock walked over to it. Now that was one amazing woman. A human living amongst Vulcans. Loving a son who could never love her back. She never did let on how tired she was, all for you. And what happened to her, Spock? She died when you were on a different planet. Helpless, and all because of you. Did anyone ever tell you that?” The alien asked. “The reason Nero destroyed Vulcan…was because of you. The future you. Your mother, your father…your entire species died because in your future, you’re destined to make a mistake that destroyed Romulus and, in turn, destroyed Vulcan and killed your mother.”

“Don’t listen to him, Spock!” Kirk shouted weakly.

“But you can still honor her memory, Spock. All those years on that thesis, writing from her diaries and memoirs, writing about being a human on Vulcan.” Suddenly a PADD was conjured in front of Spock, with the title of his thesis clearly on it Amanda – a psychological and anthropological study of living on a different planet. “I can give it all back to you. Come on, Spock. You’re almost there.”

Spock took a deep breath and turned on the alien. “My mother was happy on Vulcan, and I loved her,” he said softly, “She never lost sight of what was really important and neither will I. I will not betray the captain,” Spock smashed the talisman on the floor and the alien gasped in fear. The masks on the walls suddenly came to life swirled around the alien. He let out a bloodcurdling scream before the masks bore on him and he disappeared completely and the masks fell to the floor, lifeless.

Spock turned back into a frog and Captain Kirk fell to the floor. Spock hopped over and untied the captain’s lookalike, who had turned into a brunet man with brown eyes.

“I’m sorry, Jim,” he apologized to the captain again.

“No time for apologies,” Spock said firmly, “you must take the captain to Gaila, the Orion girl.”

“Why?”

“No time to explain, Bones, just find her,” the captain said and “Bones” grabbed the two frogs and went in search for her.

Spock tried to direct Bones to Gaila’s whereabouts as best as he could. She was always in a different place. When they did find her, she was in another man’s room. Bones ignored the blushing graduate student who tried to get dressed as best he could.

“Gaila, you must kiss this frog,” Spock said and pointed at the captain.

“Spock?” Gaila looked confused as she pulled her shirt over her head. “Is that you?”

“Yes.”

“How-“

“An alien turned us both into frogs and you must kiss the captain to turn us back.”

“The captain? Like…Captain Kirk?” Gaila asked with her eyebrows raised.

“Gaila, if you would,” Spock urged and Gaila took the captain from Bones’s hands.

“Okay. Here goes nothing,” she shrugged and kissed the captain on the lips much more eagerly than Spock had.

Suddenly, the captain’s skin began to glow and Spock felt his skin stretching and soon he materialized as his Vulcan self in an undignified heap on the floor. The captain back to being a good-looking humanoid, was on the floor was well, on top of Gaila, who looked quite excited at the prospect.

“I could get used to this, Captain,” Gaila grinned and Kirk rolled off of her.

“Thank you, Gaila. That was…umm…” Kirk cleared his throat, “nice.”

Spock stood and straightened his shirt before walking out of the dorm room. He went outside, stepping into the cool night air and he tried to get his breath back. He looked up at the evening star and felt a strange warmth in his stomach.

“Talking to Evangeline?” Kirk had appeared beside him, also looking up at the night sky.

Spock shrugged and almost walked away, but Kirk caught his hand and pulled him close. “Captain, what are you doing?”

“Dancing with my new science officer.”

“There’s no music,” Spock resisted as Kirk started to move, but conceded quickly and followed the captain’s steps.

“In the west land, there’s a city way down on the water. Where the Vulcans are very pretty and all the men deliver. They got music that’s always playing. Starts in the day time goes all through the night. And when you hear that music playing, hear what I’m saying it’ll make you feel all right,” Kirk was singing to himself, but Spock did not know the song. “So grab somebody, come on down. Bring your paintbrush, we’re painting the town. There’s some sweetness going around. Dreams do come true…” he trailed off moved closer to Spock. The Vulcan never did learn the end of that verse as the Captain leaned in and pressed his lips against Spock’s.

 

Spock left the bridge of the Enterprise to return to his quarters, he greeted Gaila, who passed him in the hallway on her way to her shift. He walked into his quarters and sat down at his computer. He ignored the third message Dr. McCoy had sent about his checkup appointment. He would go, but he had more important things to attend to at the moment.

He opened his most recent file and typed on the keyboard.

“It’s almost done,” a voice said behind him and the captain’s arms wrapped around Spock.

“It still needs to be edited and revised,” Spock began, but Kirk silenced him.

“The important thing is that you got everything down.”

Spock looked back at the screen that read: Amanda, a human’s story of Vulcan and Spock, a Vulcan’s story of Earth. The last lines read: “My mother is always in my heart – she never lost sight of what was important and her guidance brought me to make the best decisions in my life.”

“How are you going to end it?”

“I haven’t decided,” Spock admitted.

Kirk leaned in and kissed Spock tenderly. “How about ‘and they lived happily ever after?”

And they did.


End file.
